I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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