Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
