Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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