if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
