I smell stomach acid.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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