Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
