No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
