i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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