It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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