Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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