Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
