You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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