Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My penis needs a shock collar
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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