I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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