i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
