Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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