hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
