You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
