She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
