I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
