Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
