How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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