How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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