Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
