She is in my trunk
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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