Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.