My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.