so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.