Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.

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  (914): he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped. http://tfl.nu/0vpq
  Replies (5) Good night (3499) Bad night (479)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?

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  (804): is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair? http://tfl.nu/58ri
  Replies (14) Good night (779) Bad night (2660)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...

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  (610): Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon... http://tfl.nu/ozcp
  Replies (7) Good night (896) Bad night (4974)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.

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  (417): I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous. http://tfl.nu/gmif
  Replies (32) Good night (4097) Bad night (608)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.

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  (810): just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe. http://tfl.nu/ayww
  Replies (11) Good night (5206) Bad night (534)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal

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  (412): i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal http://tfl.nu/nm22
  Replies (64) Good night (1364) Bad night (5883)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.

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  (540): I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him. http://tfl.nu/377w
  Replies (31) Good night (1657) Bad night (5867)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.

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  (775): I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question. http://tfl.nu/abym
  Replies (7) Good night (2797) Bad night (983)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'

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  (845): Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary' http://tfl.nu/zqo1
  Replies (7) Good night (2909) Bad night (1058)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.

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  (417): I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday. http://tfl.nu/aq1n
  Replies (8) Good night (2102) Bad night (776)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.

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  (905): No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created. http://tfl.nu/pt0u
  Replies (7) Good night (1862) Bad night (874)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?

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  (910): So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding? http://tfl.nu/hdxw
  Replies (4) Good night (1153) Bad night (560)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand

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  (443): Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand http://tfl.nu/0tkh
  Replies (4) Good night (289) Bad night (684)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"

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  (717): I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?" http://tfl.nu/je44
  Replies (4) Good night (864) Bad night (265)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.

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  (337): Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again. http://tfl.nu/azre
  Replies (2) Good night (610) Bad night (361)

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