I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.