god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome