the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
