Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
