You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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