All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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