he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
