She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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