I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
smell my finger.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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