I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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