we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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