she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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