My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
