He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize