Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i think i have two assholes
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
