Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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