i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
