a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
