Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
no, he came in my armpit
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
