I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your dad touched me again.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Randomize
