No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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