Kiss
Puke
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize