let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
