The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
