I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
