I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
