i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
