Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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