I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
