she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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