Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
