Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
