i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
one might say we're banned from that church
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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