I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
