Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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