why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
