dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
