Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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