i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
