Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
