the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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