you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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