dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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