You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
