it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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