Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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