i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
