try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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