and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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