Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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