I don't usually arrange sex via text message
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
