I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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