So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
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You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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