Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
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You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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