do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
