Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
