JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
