remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
