I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
