I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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