My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
