Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize