oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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