On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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