My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
