I never want to see another naked old woman again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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